With these ten, I wed thee. (Or not.)
"With the divorce rate over 50 percent, too many are apparently making a serious mistake in deciding who to spend the rest of their life with. To avoid becoming a "statistic," try to internalize these 10 insights.
This came from one of those newly baptised who suddenly finds herself infused with this irresistable urge to circulate the kind of preachy stuff that I usually delete after a quick scan. But I actually gave the latest a second read - it does offer some very sensible advice, WITHOUT being too sanctimonious.
#2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character.
Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the "I'm in love" syndrome. "I'm in love" often means, "I'm in lust" Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person's character?
The reader is urged to look out, especially, for traits like humility, kindness, responsibility and happiness - which certainly, are good qualities to have in a significant other. But I wonder how many people swear by such shopping lists, instead of asking themselves what they really, really want or need. Is there a pair of shoes that fits all?
#5. You choose the wrong person because you get involved sexually too quickly.
Sexual involvement before the commitment of marriage can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. Sexual involvement tends to cloud one's mind. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions. Of all the studies done on divorce, sexual incompatibility is never cited as a main factor. It is not necessary to take a "test drive" in order to find out if a couple is sexually compatible. If you do your homework and make sure you are intellectually and emotionally compatible, you don't have to worry about sexual compatibility.
*** power up flame shield ***
Come, come, how many people WOULD actually cite, much less admit, sexual incompatibility?
Considering that sex, or as some people would prefer, the "act of procreation", is essential to marriage and family (for obvious reasons), why is establishing sexual incompatibility unacceptable? While I agree that sex does muddy things, so can emotional involvement - people who have invested much time and emotions in a relationship can sometimes hang on to a fading relationship because they cannot see it for what it has become, or simply, it would be too much work to start afresh with someone else again.
All that being said, I do believe there are people out there who genuinely don't care about sex. Well, good for them. And, as I said before, no one pair of shoes fits all.
*** power down flame shield ***
#9. You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness.
If you are unhappy and single, you'll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems! If anything, marriage will exacerbate them. If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single. You'll feel better, and your future spouse will thank you.
Wow. I was quite surprised, pleasantly so, with this "insight" - I've not actually seen this in the usual advice columns. Marriage, and for that matter, any romantic relationship, is not a panacea for unhappiness. Don't look for someone to fill the void in you.
Perhaps, we don't find happiness when we most need it - but rather, when we least need it.
